You are here

George Carlin

To quote George Carlin over and over and over and .....

Submitted by Roanman on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 17:53

 

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

When you think about it, attention-deficit disorder makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

 

Subscribe to RSS - George Carlin